April 5, 2009

• It has been such a long time I almost forgotten how to log into xanga to access my webblog.  Felt this urge to blog today, felt like i wanted to share my worries and problems to somebody.  Have been thinking alot recently, about what i feel about my job, about my objectives in life and about the people around me.  I met my first obstacle at work.  Being taken out of jobs and finally, getting informed about secondment to the tax department.  I can't help my question myself am i not performing up to expectations that's why they are doing this to me?  Then again i went through the appraisals on all the jobs i did from July 08 to now, i don't agree that i'm at the bottom, because my appraisals tell me i'm doing well.  When the manager asked me whether i am interested in the 4 month secondment to tax department because of their peak period now, i did not give him an answer immediately.  I asked why.  What was their criteria in choosing people?  He assured me it wasn't based on performance but more of the overall impact if one was to be removed from the engagement, he said for me the impact i would cause is minimal, as the jobs i have in April, May and June are new jobs, not continuity, so they could switch me for somebody else easily.  Furthermore, he showed me the email sent out by the tax department requesting for help in the audit department because 4 people just resigned and they are in need of people.  I wasn't upset about the transfer, on the contrary, i was feeling excited in going to a new department!  Afterall, i knew that i didn't want to do audit for a long time, i wanted exposure in different things so i can finally find my interest.  Perhaps God is giving me this chance in trying out tax, to see if i like it or not, and i believe that he has a plan for me, and i will follow his wishes and do my best in whatever challenges ahead.  The only thing i'm worried of is my promotion in July.  Hmm.. but see how ba, wait till the time comes then say lo.  One step at a time, no point worrying now also right?  At the same time, i feel the care and concern from my loved ones, how they were there for me when i needed a listening ear, and when i needed assurance in the decision i made.  There's like negative sentiments in the entire company now, and all of us are feeling demoralised and disappointed in the new policies they have pertaining to toil, promotion and salary.  The future in this company seems bleak... i hope i have the courage to stay positive...

  • 5:29 am
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